Written by Jill Welch, MSW, LSW

As a therapist, and a human, I often find myself pondering the why behind our behaviors: why we do what we do, and why we sometimes don’t do the things we know could help us. In the therapeutic setting and personal experiences, one common theme that often emerges is what at the surface appears to be procrastination. 

By definition, procrastinate means to delay or postpone something. For example, when I was in college waiting until the weekend before a 20 page paper was due to write it and then completely stressing myself out by then feeling overwhelmed by all I had to do at once. As humans we know that this behavior is not productive but we do it anyway. 

In therapy, we often talk about taking aligned action toward goals to create forward momentum. Yet many individuals feel motivated to change but remain stuck and unable to take steps forward. On the surface, this can look like procrastination, which can indeed function as a coping strategy. But when we explore more deeply, the picture is often more complex. Part of the therapeutic process involves uncovering why the inaction is happening. 

Interestingly, one pattern that frequently emerges when we choose to do nothing is black-and-white thinking. Black-and-white thinking, also called dichotomous or all-or-nothing thinking, is a cognitive style in which people, situations, and experiences are viewed in extremes: good versus bad, success versus failure, right versus wrong, with little room for nuance. This is known as a cognitive distortion, a habitual way of interpreting reality that is overly rigid. Often, these patterns operate beneath conscious awareness and stem from developmental or environmental influences. From a developmental perspective, this way of thinking is normal in early childhood. However, when safety, consistency, or emotional attunement are limited, these patterns may persist into adulthood as a way for the brain to maintain a sense of certainty. 

In my own experience, besides my college classwork procrastination, haha, I can relate to this. I was bullied for being overweight as a child, and then developed a cognitive pattern of labeling myself as either “skinny” or “fat”. Looking back on the pattern I can now see that this helped me to create a sense of control. Living in that grey area felt way too vulnerable for me at the time. Fortunately, through therapeutic work and a significant amount of self-reflection, I was able to shift this mindset and learn that the middle ground could feel safe. This awareness was an important part of healing. 

Another pathway into this thinking style can be trauma. After difficult experiences, the brain often seeks safety and predictability, and polarized thinking can create a sense of control. No matter how it develops, black-and-white thinking often shows up in ways that hold us back from living the lives we want. A client might come into therapy wanting to improve their physical health, knowing it would support their mental well-being. Yet they may feel stuck in a rigid thought loop. In their mind, they may see themselves as either “good” or “bad,” leaving little room for sustainable change. Another common example might be someone experiencing anxiety and stress due to feeling unaligned in their career. Their thinking may frame only two options: stay or quit. If they have a history of financial insecurity, quitting may feel too threatening, keeping them stuck. The work in these situations — and in my own experience — often involves learning to live in the nuances of everyday life. When we move out of extremes, we often experience more freedom and flexibility. 

• Building Awareness: Recognizing when the mind moves into extremes.
• Cognitive Restructuring: Gently challenging rigid beliefs. 

• Using a Continuum: Learning to see experiences on a spectrum. 

• Exploring the Origins: Understanding past influences. 

• Nervous System Regulation: Building tolerance for uncertainty. 

• Behavioral Experimentation: Taking small, manageable steps. 

• Practicing Dialectical Thinking: Holding two truths at once. 

Approaches such as CBT, DBT, and ACT can help build cognitive flexibility and support a more compassionate, balanced way of thinking. When we begin to step out of extremes and into nuance, we open ourselves to growth, resilience, and lasting change. The middle ground is not weakness — it is where emotional freedom lives.